The first few days of January have flown by. I started the 12-week course The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron last week. The two most important parts of this method are the morning pages—writing three pages each day, first thing in the morning, with any thoughts that may populate your mind—and the artist’s date: a date with yourself, where you pick something creative to do. Apart from that, each week there are some other tasks to complete.
This first week was about “recovering a sense of safety” in creating. Every day, I did a task or other. Every day, I journaled. I had my artist’s date, where I painted a notebook cover, Pollock-style. Well, the first part of my own date was a bit of a disaster. I knew I wanted to make a nice cover for a notebook which I could later use as a journal. I ended up choosing a mandala, which I did not enjoy coloring, and felt like that was not at all what I wanted to do. I felt the way I felt many times before: that I settled for doing something different, less interesting than what I had wanted to do initially, but that was okay.
Well, this time was not okay. I went back and decided to pursue my initial impulse, which was to paint. And paint I did. I ended up making also a different painting, covering another that I didn’t like. It’s silly, yet I felt so much better afterward: after doing exactly what I wanted to do and not settling for less. This is not to say one should always get what they want—certainly not when it interferes with someone else’s freedom. But if someone wants to do something and all they need is their own motivation and will, then absolutely, they should do it. My issue has been chronically giving myself less than what I wanted and accepting that as a standard.
I practiced piano every day of the week. I have even forced myself not to be lazy and read the notes. I believe there has been some improvement in that regard.
Sang, I have not—yes, yes, I know. The whole purpose of all of this is to sing. I started my music theory reading, and I have also started Jane Edgren’s Vocal Fitness Training to learn how to sing. At its shortest, this is a six-month practice plan. After reading the theory, this week I am starting with the practice. So, no more pushing it away.
I have enjoyed journaling after so long. In my early and late teens, I used to journal every day—this was before the word became so new-agey and lost all its meaning. It has helped me feel more grounded, more connected with my core. And it has helped answer some questions too. It’s funny how that works.
Having an artist’s date has freed me from the guilt of doing something I like—be that painting, sewing, knitting, or jewelry-making—while thinking that I should be doing something different. Something that is my purpose, such as singing or writing. I was able to fully enjoy that time without constantly thinking about my limited time to do everything I want. It also freed me from the aftermath thought that I was doing anything but singing as an escape route.
So far, I am liking the idea of dividing my pursuit into years: this year, I give it all to singing. Maybe by the end of the year, I decide that this is not it. Maybe not. Who knows. The point is committing a year. No more, and no less.
I am also enjoying Cameron’s course and tasks, as well as learning about music theory and practicing piano. Soon enough, I will be starting with the singing exercises.
I will keep you posted.
(the painting and the notebook)
G. Maria Bencich-Grigore 