What a ride.
I am wrestling internally with my struggle to just sing. Some days, I do my singing exercises. Some days, I sing. But not every day. And not as much as I’d like to. And here’s the thing—I don’t know why. I explore this in my journaling, but I still feel like I’m not getting to the root of it. Or maybe it’s as simple as being utterly afraid of failing.
Week four was the most challenging in terms of staying on track with my goals. I missed three days of piano practice and lost some confidence in Cameron’s book. That week, she suggested we stop reading altogether. Well, for someone who reads constantly, I suppose that might be a good exercise—forcing yourself to stop passive reading (although I never quite agreed with the idea that reading is a passive activity) so you can start creating. But in my case? I’ve already spent years not reading enough. Years of procrastination. Years of doing other things, of just… living. So skipping reading for a week wasn’t something I was going to do. That suggestion threw me off, and I lost a lot of motivation to continue with the method.
I knew that losing motivation can happen and that I should continue nonetheless. Week five has been better. I’ve played piano every day and have now finished learning my first repertoire piece for my piano exam. I’ve also learned the Do, Sol, Re, La, Mi, Si, and Fa major scales and practice them daily—each lesson with Gianni, I learn a new one. Overall, this first month has been a success, at least when it comes to piano playing.
I just wish I could establish the same kind of routine for my singing. There’s still a block, and I procrastinate big time. I still spend too much time on social media. And then there’s my bootcamp—just five weeks left!—plus the cyber certifications I’m preparing for. And the job interviews!
And travel. And meeting friends. And everything else we call life.
This coming week may be better, though. I have a good feeling about it.
G. Maria Bencich-Grigore 